Saturday, March 03, 2001

This was so fufilling, I came back for more. The Small Creep has left the building. On another quest of knowledge, it guess. Ha. It should be short. In more ways than one. Ha-Ha. What a dork I am. I put myself in these situations, then cry my way out. Why do I cry all the time? is my period coming or what? The voices are back, with an attitude also. Goody is telling me to calm down, have faith in your man, push yourself harder, you know the right thing to do, keep the faith, and anout 1000 other June Cleaver type smippets of advise. Shaniqua is telling me fuck that, I know I'm right, don't be a fool, look out for number one, this is a waste of love and time, fuck him, fuck them, and worse of all, I TOLD YOU SO. Hate to admit it, but I like the latter advise from Sha. So far though, Sha is just a voice in my mind, I can't seem to get her to surface, unless of course confronted by the weak. Goody is always front and center, with her heart on her sleve, seemingly BEGGING for abuse. How do I begin to break the cycle? (SOOOO Oprah-ish, ugh!!)
Here we go again. Why am I sitting here crying? It makes no sense. I have never (I don't think) been so unhappy as I am right now. I wish so much that I could at least talk to him without us fighting. I knew the ground rulls before this all started, but someone forgot to give me the crisis handbook. I have tried and tried my best to a-keep my mouth shut, b-be supportive and encouraging, and c-make things easier for us both. But instead, I get a-brokenhearted all the time b-passed over all the time c-disrespected all the time d-frustrated all the time and e-never get to go to Disney. What does the male species understand about partnership? Apparently nothing. So, here I am again. Guess next, I'll have to drop out of school. If that happens, it WILL be the last straw. I'm gone, leaving, out. Really.
PS-I miss my mommy
PPSS-Miss good sex too.

Friday, March 02, 2001

OK. Second entry. I'm on a roll now. Today has been somewhat stressful. I hate us bickering over the usual, money. I hope we can make it until graduation...I think I will be buying a Sunday paper. Went to Ms. Pat's. Got the transpo business taken care of, well 80%, with TOTAL completion tomorrow am, on the net for a couple of hours, watching some of my favorite movie, and hopefully gojng to bed soon.
Today, I was really bothered about a story I saw yesterday while home sick on a talk show (I know). I don't understand why the mother didn't take the plea. In a case involving a minor, who is the attorney representing? If a parent makes a decision that is not in the best interest of the child, is it not the attorney's responsibility to inform the child and parent of the best choice, when facing a plea? And if it is not, can and should the attorney have the court appoint a guardian to act in the best interest of the child if the parent is being unreasonable, as in this case? Scary for that poor child. Too bad the mother doesn't have to join him...she would have taken the plea if faced with that form of punishment. Bye!

Thursday, March 01, 2001

Wow. My first journal. I'm proud. I hope this works out better than the zillion other things I have committed to, but not followed through with. Well, today is my 30th birthday. I'm not quite sure how I feel about it yet. I expected to be overcome with some feeling of 'adultness' and wisdom, but so far...nothing. I still feel the way I did when I was younger (ha-ha), say 25 or so. I dod feel a little strange no to be employed though. I mean at 30, most folks have a job, or are at least looking. But no, not me. I guess I need a job to help my hubby pay bills, etc, but he insists that I don't work, at least not until he buys my 30th birthday present, a car. He promises to pay the note for a year and I have to pay the rest. To tell the truth though, this is not much of a present to me. I am a lot more 'frugal' than my hub and really just want something running to get me back and forth to school. But NOOOOO, my hub insists I have something new with all the works. To be totally honest, the care is really a gift to himself. Oh well, I not going to worry though. Now lest see if this baby posts. Until later...bye me.